Afterword

 

As you can see, the main character in the previous piece of writing was called Sarah. Obviously Sarah is a female name, so what has this got to do with a website aimed at eating disordered men?

 
Well this piece was written by me’ Anthony Stevens.  I am a thirty-year-old gay, Nichiren Buddhist male and Exile was a fictionalised account of the daily life that I led for over a decade. Of course the intensity of this varied as for the most I have managed to lead on the surface by societies standards at least a fairly functional and productive life.

 
So why did I choose to fictionalise and use a female character?

 
Well I guess I did this for the same reasons that this website has come into being. That is the lack of understanding and publicity in men’s mental health in general and specifically in eating disorders. You see Exile was used as an exam piece and as an entry to a new writers competition. I think I knew instinctively that perhaps it wouldn’t of made the grade or won the award which it did if it had been written from a male perspective. It would of to my mind of been to foreign a subject matter for people to accept. In some respect this is why I have submitted it to this website with this after word, I want to readdress the balance and show people that the actual experience of an eating disorder is probably no different whether it be a male or female sufferer. Of course every experience is as individual as the person who experiences it but there does appear to be a lack of sensitivity and regard in how society and the public health services it provides treat eating disordered males in comparison to females.

 
I have to say that I think I was relatively lucky with the treatment that I received. A good, understanding and pro-active community psychiatric nurse was assigned to me in my early twenties and together we explored various treatment options such as CBT. This didn’t cure me of my eating disorder, although I’m sure that it contributed to it greatly. Things really started to change for me when I took responsibility for my situation and made concrete efforts to change it. For me, this meant leaving my job, which ironically was working in mental health, and yes, sometimes with eating disorders, and relocating to a residential college in Scotland where I completed a university access course. Making the choice to live with forty or so other adults in close proximity limited my options somewhat in regards to being able to carry on with the bulimic cycle. In addition to this I ditched the drink and drug habit that was so closely embroiled with my eating disorder. This was a hugely terrifying experience, and having to face life with out the crutch of bulimia was indeed daunting. However bit-by-bit I did it, gaining self worth and a sense of my value as a human being along the way.

 
Two and half years on from this my life although not easy, is a good one. I have become a Nichiren Buddhist, which is a wonderful philosophy that helps me to understand the immense value of  ALL life. That includes me, and you. Yes, I still struggle on certain days, and life can seem really daunting and hard. However I look at what I have achieved already, take a deep breathe, chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and get back in the driving seat of my life. Years ago I could never of imagined doing some of the things I have done in my recovery time. I have danced, albeit in a bit of a self conscious manner in front of five hundred people, I have formed and maintained a functional and loving relationship, (the statistics for this a rather dire) but most of all I can look at myself as a human being and with some effort see my own potential, value and feel a sense of self love and warmth that has for most of my life been quite an alien experience. This is of course my perspective. However, I am a human being just as you are and human beings can achieve anything, after all, we as a race do this every day.

 
You are capable of recovery, and what's more, leading a life of great value and joy. Keep going. It's worth it.

 
By Anthony